Sunrise & Full-Circle

I witnessed the sunrise yesterday… sitting on the rooftop… shivering and holding my coffee closely.  It was every bit as beautiful as I remember.  Glistening its sunny halo around the Museum Square building… casting elongated shadows along its way across to the ocean.  I think the last time I saw it… was summer of 2004 when surfer Joe coaxed me to the beach at 6am… better swell, he said.  It was true… and nothing like eating a big wave to open my eyes.

Yesterday was also my last day at the office.  My boss and her newly esquired nephew took me to Chez Melange (in South Redondo.)  The remainder of the workday was a bit of a blur.  I’d been awake for over 48 hours… and nearly dozed off standing up.  Collected my last paycheck.  My boss cried.  Said that she thought of me as family.  Kinda makes sense… she sees me far more than them.

I suppose if all things come full circle… after Wichita… I should re-land in Burbank.  I still remember when I first moved there (after leaving Tucson), it was in the middle of “El Nino” and I was freezing my ass off in an apt with a heater that wouldn’t work and a phone bill I’d failed to pay.  I had to walk in the rain over to a payphone by the Winchel’s Donuts (close to Victory/Verdugo) to call mum collect and let her know I was OK.  Then walked home with a few chocolate-frosting-filled gems.  My gawd… I love donuts.

When I lived in AZ, a friend and I used to walk over to Winchel’s and get a dozen of those… and a bottle of Sambuca… a few Ab Fab videos… and we were set for the night.  Good times….

Holy shit… it’s freezing in my apt tonight.  47 degrees… I shouldn’t bitch too much.  According to Weather.Com, it’s 25 degrees (and feels like 10 degrees!) in Wichita… O. M. F. G.  My heating bill is going to be insane!  I can handle 60s-ish, but anything below that damn near kills me.

Everything has been coordinated for tomorrow.  Dad should arrive via cab around 10am.  Then the truck arrives, then the movers. Sadly, I’m still packing up my junk.  I’ve run out of boxes… so I may have to go scouting behind nearby grocery stores for empty boxes.  I must be the world’s greatest procrastinator… it’s going to be another long night.

I’m going to have to leave quite a bit behind, which makes me pretty sad.  I’m very fond of my collections.  More than half my books, 2 writing desks, 5 sets of shelving, all my planting pottery, my futon… all will be left for the manager to sell at his next yard sale.  He’s a born peddler… I’m sure he’ll do well. Hehe…

Mum told me earlier today that dad has the flu.  I’m feeling really awful about that… but they insisted… what could I do?  He really hates to fly… and he’s allergic to cats.  I have two fuzzy monsters that will be riding in the car.  What were they thinking?  Geez… they must *really* be looking forward to me coming home for awhile.  I hope dad’s feeling better soon though.  I picked up some Ginger Ale and soup.  Hopefully, he’ll let me do most of the driving.

Anyway, I’ll be losing my internet connection any time now… so I should wrap it up.  I’ll be writing much more after I arrive at my new digs.  The computer is riding in the car with me (does that make me a comp geek?)  LOL!  I need it for job hunting and listening to music and all that while I’m waiting on the rest of my junk to arrive.

I hope you all have a groovy hump day!!

Love, Peace & Happiness ~

Insomnia & The Thrill of It All

Another sleepless night… I haven’t slept since I woke Sunday noon… with the exception of that unexpected cat nap while relaxing in the bath earlier this evening. What a chilly wakeup surprise it was to find the water had grown cold!

I didn’t get to see the Sunrise this morning. It started raining around 5am. One of the rare mornings that I’m actually awake that time of day… and the clouds block my view. Could my life get any more ironic? I’m kinda bummed… but maybe today is the day I’ll get another chance.

My bimmer isn’t quite what the Groove-machine was… but I bet we could still give the Buhler cop a run for his money… hehe… Beth Ann can drive getaway — I’ll bring my running shoes and an allen wrench.

Other joys I want to hit again… consist of skinny dipping at the lake, running stark naked around the back yard during a warm summer rainstorm… rolling about in the snow until my toes go numb and my face gets a ruddy pink from the thrill of it all.

I think I might get one of those bearskin rugs and lay it in front of my new fireplace… consume massive amounts of sweet liquor and Italian food… turn up the tunes… curl up… and drift to sleep… feeling warm and happy.

If there is joy to be had, I will find it… one night at a time. I’m getting over the fear. On the edge… overlooking the world… I’m ready for some free falling exhilaration. Much like my feline companions, I know I have a way of landing on my feet. (That strange dream I had… makes sense to me now.)

Ok… I’m outie for now… going to go up on the rooftop… have a cup of joe and some smokes… embrace the warmth of 52 degrees while I can… and watch the city slowly come to life.

If She Knew What She Wants

I know I should be packing more stuff right now… but I’m not in the mood.  And I’m still out of boxes.  Well, actually, I scored two from the office… that are still in the back of my car.  I guess I just don’t feel like it.  For reasons and feelings I’m trying to understand.

Things might be moving too quickly for me.  I wasn’t quite as ready to leave as I thought.  I now feel imprisoned by kinetic energy.  So many things I never explored… because I was afraid to extend myself beyond the boundaries of my comfort zone.

I’ve said it before… that it’s the worst feeling in the world to know you have everything you enjoy at your fingertips… just to realise that it’s all a bit empty without good company to share it with.

I can’t help but wonder… once in the dead of night… if I am only using certain illness as an excuse to escape from the inevitable progression of time?  What have I done?  Have I tricked myself into taking the “safe” route?  Is it really as serious as all that?

I truly miss my family.  When they were out here for the 4th of July weekend, we all went to look at houses…  there was a beautiful one up on top of the hill… three storeys… between the four of us… we could have swung it.

Yet I am so different from them.  I am a free spirit… not meant to be caged within the confines of conformity.  They… are forever worried… about what the neighbors will think.  I love them dearly.

How long will it take my new neighbors… to shake their heads in disapproval… leaving their charity of a church flyer on my door… trying to save my soul… as I bask in the residual joy from a late night on the town… shielding my eyes from the Sunday morning light?

I really miss my Venice days… I was poor as fuck, but I always had a great time.  Not that I’m rolling in dough now… but I’ve never been late on the rent. I used to go to the beach all the time… I used to do a lot of things… I have recently been reminded of who I used to be.

I’ve already burned a few essential bridges.  I’ve put in my notice at the office… and with my apt manager… scheduled the moving truck… put a 2 month deposit down on a rental house in Wichita… sold a few of my covetable treasures…

No worries… my hometown friends… I am still coming.  I miss and love you… can’t wait to see you… to hug you…to let the good times roll again… yet… I am marked with wanderlust.    It’s in my blood.  You that know me… suspected this before I did.  You who questioned my sanity when I said I was coming home… know me better than I do.

For Thanksgiving day, I might walk alone down to Bergin’s for some shepherd’s pie… with chips on the side… and the biggest round composed of Bailey’s and Guinness.  Then stumble over to Molly’s… for round two.  Unless, of course, they’re closed!

I ordered the CD and it will be shipped to my new address in Wichita.  A little surprise from me to me to bring a bit of cheer… until the storm passes over.

Anyway, I’ll have to give my shout outs in another blog… hopefully tomorrow.  I’ve consumed a bit too much… bottom of the eighth… and my typing is growing careless and precarious.

I realise that this is… far too many words for one sitting.  My apologies… to new friends who are unprepared for my emotional torrents.  I’ll be fine.  I am the master of getting by.  I simply need to purge the poisons from time to time…

My friends… you shine bright into my life, where ever in the world you may be, your kindness brings a light to even my darkest night.

Peace, Love & Happiness ~