Let’s face it — most of us have been there. Broke. Hungry. Without a vice to quell the pain. I’m snowed in this weekend with nothing better to do… so I’m going to share a few tips for getting by.
Food:
#1. Pasta is your friend. Fuck you, Atkins. I have enough pasta to feed an army, if necessary. It’s non-perishable, cheap, and you can keep it in your cupboard for years. Skip the fancy sauce. Stock up on little cans of tomato paste. Mix with water, add spices & dried onions, et viola!
#2. The office. The office always has nibbly bits about. When no one’s looking, stock your desk drawer. Leftover pizza or sandwiches from that lunch meeting? Take it home.
Smokes:
#1. Forget Marlboros. Get yourself a Top-O-Matic (for about the price of a carton of ciggies). After that, buy tobacco by the pound & a couple of boxes of filter tubes. You can roll a carton of smokes for the price of $15. And, frankly, when you have to roll your own, you’re less likely to waste. If you’re a carton-a-week person, that totals $60/month — instead of $120.
Clothes:
#1. Never buy retail. Ever. Not even if you have the money.
#2. Check out your local Sally’s, Good Will, or D.A.V. You can find a lot of good shit there, and while you’re at it, make a little adventure out of it. Any lemming can go to the mall and get the “latest” fashion — but for that TRULY unique piece, your best bet is always the local thrift.
Heat:
#1. No matter where you’re located, changes are — water is cheaper than gas. Got a chill? Take a hot bath… warm the bones… then wrap yourself up in fleece. Get cold again? Repeat. Invite a friend. Then have a good cuddle. Don’t have a friend? Cuddle with your cats. Purr… You’ll like it & so will they.
Beer:
#1. Forget the Schlitz or any cheap American crap (been there, tried that.) You can drink a 12-pack of that shit & still not catch a buzz. The key to cheap booze is to up the alcohol content. Go Canadian. Yes, it’s a little pricier, but better tasting — and higher in alcohol content. 3-4 bottle of Canadian beer gets me good and tipsy, making a 12-pack last 3-4 days instead of… say, one day!
#2. Avoid drinking in a pub/restaurant. That’s kinda obvious, but I had to say it anyway.
#3. Avoid your cheap-ass friend that always manages to pin the tab on you. You know who I’m talking about. The asshole who suddenly has to go take a piss the second the bill arrives. If you can’t avoid them, always insist on separate tabs.
Gasoline:
#1. Don’t make a lot of unnecessary evening trips. If you have a job you go to every day, make your stops along the way home. Again, I know it sounds obvious, but I know a lot of people who do this & it annoys the hell out of me.
#2. Shop locally. If you can locate shops or food within a 1/2 mile radius, get off your lazy ass & walk it. The exercise will be good for you.
#3. Get a locking gas cap for your car. ‘Nuf said.
Anyone else got any tips to add?!
