You can never really go home

It’s true.  You can physically travel home, but it will never be the same.  Time changes everything.  I avoid it at all cost.  Wichita is, after all, not my home.  It’s just where I live now.  On the rare occassions I still travel home, my car snakes around it… taking winding sideroads (some of which have since been paved!) that spit me out just east of town.

My folks still live in that little town… just about an hour north of me… that has transformed into something I recognize, but don’t know.   Much like an old friend with all the greying signs of age, but wearing a smile I’ll never forget and will always miss.

South Main Street has become a virtually empty stretch… missing my favorite haunts.  Poor Boy Records, Woods & Woods, the comic book shop… Gone.   The old pizza shop I worked at… Gone.  The theater on 30th Street… Gone.   The list goes on…  Tomassi’s, The Golden Dragon, The Purple Pickle… Nothing but a shadow of its former self disguised as progression.   

At the end of Main Street is a changeless mausoleum of my broken dreams — Carey Park.  I’ll never forget the first stroll I took down by the pond after 10 years of being away.  It was December, and the water was as frozen as my memories of times since deceased… 

Much as I know I should just bury them… I preserved them with vodka… hoping to eventually see signs of a pulse to resuscitate.

Why think of it now?  It’s almost time for “The Fair“.  Old friends have called to tell me, “You gotta go to The Fair — everyone will be there!”  *sigh*  It is, after all, tradition.  I’ve never been traditional, but I’m a sentimental fool…  And due to that, I am reminded of rides through the Old Mill, instant photo booths, quiet walks after dark by the pond, cotton candy, lemonade, funnel cakes, clutching tightly to someone while on the Zipper, the smell of diesel and cow shit…   Memories that invoke both love and hate for what I was and what I am.

Memories that remind me that I can never really go home… no matter how much I want to.

It’s a nice day to start again

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything… so there’s plenty to blog about.  It was all too raw at the time, and I was afraid of a breakdown if I let the dam break. 

Certain stalkerazi were seriously creeping me out, but I think time has taken care of that problem.  They have others to prey upon now.  I’m old news & quite happy about that.

I’m a good deal stronger now… and so, I must digress.  Come what may.  While I have the time & I’m still in the mood.